Here is a thought for everyone: If you haven't seen the movie "Closet Land" then you are very, very robbed of one of the best experiences of life. If you have and you didn't understand it then you aren't as afraid as you should be, but only as afraid as you have been made to be. And if you're afraid at all you're under the control of someone, but you might as well be aware of it. So be afraid. Be very afraid. And know WHY you are.

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I can imagine myself as one of those people who strives to become successful in my own eyes; eyes that will never see myself as successful, no matter how successful I really am. I will press myself and tell myself it is for another reason. Surely I'm not looking for the end of the rainbow, the end where I will find myself waiting to congratulate me! I'll tell myself that I am struggling to become great for a much more interesting reason.

I will tell myself that I want to be one of the people they put away first. When they come and they are looking for artists, scientists, intellectuals. I will say, "This is why you are doing this to yourself. You have to be one of the people they come for first because when they are allowed to come for anyone as insignificant as a free thinker like yourself, someone without any real clear power, that is when hope is lost and this is no longer a world you want to be living in." That is what I will tell myself so that I don't see that I am really just pressing on and seeing how far I can get so that I can please someone who can never be pleased. So that I will finally be impressed by myself.

Because really, when it comes down to it, who doesn't want to be a martyr? If you're going to die anyway, if the world is dying around you, die for a cause and to make a point, right!? Die so that for a few moments they are shaken perhaps, or confused. Die, my dear, so that you can prove that it is possible to fight against your own human nature! Don't be selfish now.

Then again, martyrdom is the most selfish of all states, is it not? You have to be right until the end. You are right because they have to kill you to stop your argument. You will never submit. But that's only because you know that you will die anyway. You just want to be right. And that is another form of selfish human nature, you silly, human animal. And yet, you have made the choice to win instead of to lose. It is all human nature, really. You just decide who the winner is and let it run it's course. If you choose to be the winner, well, good for you, martyr! But you'll always be a human. There is no real escape from that. Not even death.

And what of an afterlife? That is a ridiculous thing to think about, my love. Because life is what you live for. If you aren't living you have no life, if you have no life you are not living, if you are not living what is there left to do? We were born to live. When we die the game is over. So no matter what happens to you, silly animal, YOUR LIFE IS OVER AFTER LIFE. Afterlife. Not second life, dear, AFTERLIFE. What is the point of that? Life was the point. Life is and was and always will be everything.

But don't lose hope, love. You've got a choice: Win or lose. After that choice has been made nothing else matters. Make the choice.

Goodnight, my love.

-she. uses. a. voice.